it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
