never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the day after is always just damage control
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
