he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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