how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
