i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
