watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
