It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
