I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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