I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
