I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
