I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I am puke
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
