I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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