never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
