Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize