fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
