haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Holy shit dude........stairs
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