turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
