what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
