I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
BRING THE BAGELS
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Congratulations! We have a period
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
