I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Let's get the cat blown out
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
