So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
