I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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