I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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