after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
This is classic penis vs brain.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
BRING THE BAGELS
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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