just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
