Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
