So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
