forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
