I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
