I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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