are you still at the devil's house?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
