do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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