dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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