karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
