I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
