she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
