...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
