I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
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I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
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I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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