would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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