There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
