So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
