Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
