His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
