I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
