You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We're not piercing ourselves today.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
