My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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