Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Randomize
