In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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