Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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