you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
