Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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