I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
