It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
