She's JV to your varsity
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
