They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize