well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I am mentally ready for anal.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
