I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
foreskin is a definite game changer
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
