You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
