Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
