An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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