Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
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Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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