I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
