She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
