I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
