i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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