So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
