I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
