I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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