I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
