I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
