you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
