So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
