all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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