Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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