If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
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