dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
