I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
