it hurts more in the daytime
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
a search helicopter?!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
