My girlfriend figured out who you are.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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