I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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