make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
