Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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