i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
