I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
