Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize