The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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