someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Randomize
