I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i've created a new STD.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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