I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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