I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
